Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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