I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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