If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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