Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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