He uses pillows to masturbate.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
