drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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