he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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