there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
