So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
