i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
