Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
