Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
