If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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