Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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