I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
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