At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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