I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
