Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
