My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
