dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
