4 words: hood of his car
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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