I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
