Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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