Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
