What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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