Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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