Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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