were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
