R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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