Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
