My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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