Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
