Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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