I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Randomize
