Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
