I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dicks are not precious.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
