it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
