we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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