Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
We need to rekindle our bromance
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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