420 ftw
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
