Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
