just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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