Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
everyone is single if you try hard enough
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
