was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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