Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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