Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
