Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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