Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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