I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
She announced her abortion via fbk
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
