You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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