What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
