my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
