Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
