Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
