She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
