apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
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