I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
