Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
