champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
