Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
