ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
