remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
