I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize