I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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