so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
