the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
