After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
