ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
