she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
