i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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