I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
